A Mother’s Plea

The crying never commenced,
at least not by you. My stomach
grew, but I shrank it. I cut out your life support—
watched the doc’s gloved hands
scoop a glob from the table and throw
it in a bin. Did I do right?

I lived in the fatherless land, treaded the steps
you would have taken. I was teased, heckled,
and abandoned. My mother gave up on me, my father
left me. I have no future, so what future
could I have given? You’d
cry and scream; my hands would shake,
I’d cry and scream for an end
to the tears. My feet
will not be impaled
by Barbie shoes and Legos.

I did not deserve you, did not deserve
the responsibility you piled on a fifteen year-
old girl. I did not have time to watch you grow, see
the child you came to be. We will not fight
or mature as one. I’ll have a childhood and go to
college; live my life as it was meant to be.

Yet, laughter does not fill my house. Fingers
do not catch my own. The chubby cheeks
will not grow and sprout into the face of a man
or an angelic princess. The graduation horn
does not toll. The wedding bells fall silent. I will not see
your children, for you were but a cell. A cell ripped
and divided from its safety. No sunlight will speckle
your cheeks, no wind will ruffle your hair. You
did not deserve me; did not
deserve the end.

Disclaimer:This poem does not reflect my life. Taken from the emotions I believe I would have experienced if I went through this.


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