The world around me is ignorant
of who I am. An ocean of faces pass me, but none
glance between my pages. I am seen, but
I am invisible.
I am the droll sarcastic girl
straddling the line between
your world and the intricate
cities I’ve created.
Who Am I?
The me I see is tucked inside, hidden
behind fluttering eyelashes and misleading smiles.
I shoved her behind a wall of boisterous laughs and corny
jokes. I’ve concealed her from the pain
of walking away from love and the joys of living.
Nobody knows her.
They miss as her heart shimmers and engulf all who
surround her. They are denied the reserved quiet
that echoes through in my silence. They see the facade;
the girl I think they want instead of the beauty inside.
I’ve trapped myself
in a cage and buried the key behind years of maniacal
grins and a rock-hard exterior. The bars shrink and crowd her,
spreading over her escape routes; evidence of my own self-destruction.
I want to free her;
that girl I thought would fade into the background. I want
her thoughts and mine to mix and mingle
until we are connected. The witty and loud complemented
by her reserved understanding. Her passion
cancels out my self-centeredness, her confidence
erases my self-pity. She aches
from the pain of friends and foes alike; wishes
she could give more of herself than possible.
But I have silenced her.
I’ve pushed her deep within; hidden behind
organs and bones. I add an extra lull to my laugh,
plaster a smile to my cheeks. She is stuck
with no hope for survival. To free her,
I must let go. Burn my doubt and feelings
of unworthiness. I must ignite the fire,
feeding it my pity and hatred, loathing and insecurities.
Let that be her beacon and her source of light.
Let it guide us together ‘til we become one.